Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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