fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
