Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
