I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
