After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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