did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
