2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
