When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
