My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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