I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
