the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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