The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
