i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hippo gnu deer
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
