Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
