please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
