He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
