Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
