im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
