This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
