It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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