Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
