I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
