if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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