You smell like stripper and shame
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
