you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
