Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
