one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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