No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
