last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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