I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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