remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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