I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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