Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
