I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
