I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
