dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
