his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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