You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
