I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
