you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
