get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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