The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
