She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
