I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
there is puke in my bra ... again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
