After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
