I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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