the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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