I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
