This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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