U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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