Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
