a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
