something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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